Metalocalypse: Christmas is Brutal PT 1

“Okay guys, listen up,” growled Nathan, “This year we need to make the most brutal Christmas card for our fans, so we’re heading to the downtown plaza to get our pictures taken with Santa–”
“Santa!” screamed Toki with glee. Nathan roared,
“I wasn’t finished, Toki! And we are going to–”
“Santaaa!” squealed Toki. Skwisgaar rolled his eyes.
“Ugh, the shopping mall. You knows, there’s going to be lots of peoples bashing their brains out for dildos, you know. It’s going to be completely–”
“SANTAAAA!!!!!”
“Shut up, Toki!” Pickles screamed.
“SAN-TA! SAN-TA! SANTA!”
“TOKI!” Nathan roared, “And while we are there, we need to buy each other–”
“SAAAAAANTA!”
Toki flung himself over the less-than-jolly mall Santa who grumbled to himself over the man’s over-enthusiasm. Nathan frowned and Skwisgaar rolled his eyes.
“Likes, whats the deal here?” Skwisgaar grumbled, “Don’t you knows thats mall santa here not real?” Toki didn’t seem to hear him as he gushed,
“SANTA!” Toki screamed, “Has I been good boy this year?” The mall santa grumbled,
“Don’t you know there is a line of fifty people you just cut?”
“But–”
“Get back to the end of the line or I’m calling security!”
“But Santas, I’s only wants to–”
“Security!”
“You call for security and we’ll rip your jolly face off!” threatened Nathan, “Let’s get this picture over with.” With Toki joyfully on the mall santa’s lap, Nathan, Pickles, Murderface, and Skwisgaar awkwardly squeezed in.
“Yous smiles now, Nathan,” Toki said with a wide grin for the camera.
“Aw geesh,” Murderface scowled, “I don’t wanna take a shtupid pictshure wish Shanta. Thish ish sho shtupid!”
“Ja, and has you ever seen Nathan smiles, now? He’s no smiles ever.”
“Yous gots to smiles Nathan!” As the Dethklok band argued, the mall santa grumbled and those waiting in line began to complain.
“No!” Nathan growled. The photographer waved at them.
“I never smile, ever, in my life. It’s not brutal.”
“Yous says you no smile? What abouts the time yous gots drunk and pissed on Pickles?” Pickles smacked Toki upside the head.
“You asshole, Toki! Why’d you have to bring that up again?” The photographer waved for their attention.
“Say cheese!”
Toki stomped on the ground as he looked at the developed Christmas photo.
“You assholes! Santa has not even says I was good boy or no! Alls your fault you no not smiles. ****** photo of no smiles and Santa no says I was goodly or badly so I has never known not now ever or will be!” Nathan tapped Toki on the shoulder who looked up with a shriek at a horrendously hideous ear-to-ear toothy grin of black, mossy teeth which frightened Toki to paleness. He then looked to the photo.
“Oh, I sees,” Toki said thoughtfully, “You no like smiles because you’re so ugly and you make photo with Santas worse with such ugly face as yours. I do not know how ugly your face is until now. So it is better in fact you no smiles in Christmas photo for fans to see such ugly face.” Nathan facepalmed while the Dethklok bandmates doubled over with laughter.
“Ha!” howled Murderface, “I don’t mind being sho fat when your face ish sho ugly!”
“Shut it, Murder,” growled Nathan, “I’ve smiled once in my life and it killed someone.”
“Ja, cuz they looked at your ugly face and decided to kill themselves, right?” laughed Skwisgaar and the others roared with laughter. Nathan looked at the floor sheepishly.
“Uh, yeah, something like that.”

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literarylark

I am bipolar strong. I am a passionate writer of both fanfiction and original pieces, so follow me in my journey of Metalocalypse and more.

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